


123(4)457

by aaeiilnn, numberzero (aaeiilnn)



Series: Recount [7]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Gen, Hargreeves Children Support Group, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Not a single happy relationship in this show, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Relationship Problems, Sparrow Academy, They're still in that room, Trapped, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26442112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaeiilnn/pseuds/aaeiilnn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaeiilnn/pseuds/numberzero
Summary: "I think it's my turn now. It's like we're following the number system, with Numbers Zero through Three meeting you and, now, I'm Four, my turn. But really, we're not. Z's just a bit busy right now. Anyway, hi. I'm Lila Hargreeves."
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts, The Hargreeves Family
Series: Recount [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870099
Comments: 2
Kudos: 79





	123(4)457

**Author's Note:**

> ✓ Classes started for me. I have two more shots lined up after this but the rest is in jeopardy now 😭

"Hello." She waved awkwardly once inside. They had followed the usual prison-like routine of moving to the back when they were signalled, and turned to find Lila Pitts (or is it her lookalike?) standing by the door. "I think it's my turn now. It's like we're following the number system, with Numbers Zero through Three meeting you and, now, I'm Four, my turn. But really, we're not. Z's just a bit busy right now. Anyway, hi. I'm Lila Hargreeves."

"Your turn to, what, exactly?" Five asked casually. Out of the Sparrow Academy they've met so far, she's proving to be the most talkative. (Zero loves telling stories as much as she hears them, but she's too smart and careful with her words.) They need more information to try and get out of this place.

Lila shrugged. "Nothing really. It's like we're introducing ourselves one by one, having a little chat and private time with you guys." She looked around the room. "I'm not all that pumped about it. It's not like you brought my doppelganger." She took a step closer and found the others quick to step back. Call it instinct or a habit after they had one of the hardest fights they've had with her just quite recently, but she just looked more amused than surprised. Lila stepped back.

"Alright, _down_ , children." She said, as if speaking to a bunch of dogs. "Not gonna lie, I'm one of the best at hand-to-hand combat in this place, but I'm not gonna be able to do a lot of powers over you guys as you conveniently don't have it right now. It's why Abhijat's waiting outside for me."

Five peered through the glass and saw the green block that Vanya had mentioned existing during her adventure outside floating by the hallway. It didn't have eyes, but he knew it was watching him back. "Oh, you've got a security detail, huh?"

Lila shrugged. "He's a tiny bit overprotective. But you gotta love him."

"Cut it out." Five glared. "You're Lila, aren't you?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Did you forget me introducing myself a while back?"

"No," Five stepped forward, moving closer to his target. "But you're the Lila we've met back in the 60s, aren't you? You worked with the commission. What are you playing at here?"

"Genuinely have no idea what you're talking about."

Five was held back before he could throw a fist at her out of pure irritation. There's not a single trace of lie or deception, but he could never be too sure with a child who was raised and trained by The Handler herself. He looked back to see it was Diego who held him back by his arm and pushed him to the back, moving towards the woman himself.

"Lila," Diego spoke softly and had his hands out, like approaching a frightened animal, "I know it may not seem like it, but you can trust us. You can be honest. Tell us who you are." By that point, Diego had successfully placed both his hands on her shoulders, looking her at the eye and hoping she could see the sincerity in them.

(Vanya, for how observant she could be, was the first to notice how Lila's eyebrow seemed to rise slightly as she looked at the hands squeezing her shoulders gently. She was also probably the first to accept that this isn't the Lila they had dealt with.)

"Oh, _honey_ ," Lila replied, her voice deep as she looked up at Diego through her eyelashes. "I could be whoever you want."

Diego shook his head, thinking she's not understanding what he's been trying to say. "You can be yourself, Lila."

"Is that what you want, love?" She steps closer to him, trailing her fingers up his arm.

"Are you actually _flirting_ right now?" Interrupted Klaus' incredulous tone. Luther kept silent but rolled his eyes and went to drag the oblivious Diego away without a word. 

Lila pouted as she watched Diego pulled away. "No fun. He doesn't seem to mind."

"Stop acting! Just give us a straight answer." Five looked more unsettled and was probably about to attack another time if Allison didn't already have a tight grasp on his arm.

"I _am_ Lila! That's my _name_!" She laughed, moving back to the door. "You think I'm someone I'm not, but if I try to say otherwise, you wouldn't believe me, would you?"

That was true, but Five didn't need to openly say she was right. He is always going to suspect her.

"So, you're not the Lila I know?" Diego asks again, just to be sure. His hands were clenched as if ready to punch either the wall or Lila herself. Unfortunately, that seems to be one too many times to be asking her the same thing because she throws up her hands in exasperation and the fun, clumsy, flirty personality she'd been exhibiting was replaced by irritation.

" _Goddammit_. I don't like repeating myself!" She exclaimed, already knocking on the door to signal the green box (what the hell was his name again?) to open it. "Also, you seem to like me," she pointed at Diego, "so let me just give you a piece of advice: Flirt back, hate me, or don't trust me. Choose any or all, but at least make it make _sense_!"

And with that, she left the room with a huff, slamming the door, and the green box floating after her.

"Five?" Vanya asked tentatively. The old man in a teenage body was pacing back and forth as he always does. The others left Vanya to it as she was always the one with the best chances at calming him down.

"You okay?" Luther asked, approaching Diego instead. His fists were going back and forth from clenched to unclenched as if not sure what to do. He scowled in response before stomping off to the side to cool off.

Klaus tutted. "See, you're both frustrated, but it's not good to lash out at the rest of us humans. Remember we were warned to not draw attention to ourselves?" He sat up straight. "Oh, _wow_ , that coming from _me_? I think we've been trapped here too long."

"We need to get out!" Five exclaimed, continuing his pacing.

"Well, we're not going to get anywhere with you all riled up like that." Allison said simply. "We're not that bad, but you're obviously the smartest out of all of us and more experienced. If one of us can figure out a way, it'll be you."

Five scowled and pulled at his hair. "You think I don't know that?!"

"Diego?" Luther's voice interrupts the rising tone of their other brother. They turn to see Luther watching Diego, who was still by the corner of the room but is now curled up on the floor. Allison was the first to rush to him and gently pull him up into a sitting position.

"I'm so confused," he murmured, hints of his stutter seeming to come back. "Is it her? Is it not?" He buried his face into his hands, inhaling sharply.

"What does it matter?" Five plopped down on the floor in front of Diego. "We won't be able to trust her either way. No," he argued at the sign of Diego protesting, "if she's not the Lila we know, then she's still someone keeping us prisoner. If she is the Lila we know, she left suddenly all those years ago with that suitcase." Five shook his head. "We don't know what she could have been through in the time we haven't seen her, so we can't trust her too."

"Why do we suck at relationships?" Vanya complained from her spot lying on the floor after a moment of silence. 

Klaus chuckled. "Exactly. Do you think it's a curse?"

"No such thing." 

Klaus shot Five a look. "Yeah, sure. Time travels and superpowered children. But we draw the line at curses and magic." He turned on his stomach and placed his chin on his hands, his legs swinging behind him. "To be fair to you though, I think your relationship with the mannequin was the one that turned out well the most."

"The _mannequin_ ," Five said through gritted teeth, "has a _name_."

"Right, Dolores." Vanya nodded seriously. "Our sister-in-law."

"Oh, wow." Diego looked more in control and stable as he looked up and stared blankly at a point on the ceiling. "Never thought of it that way."

"So, there's Luther who's closest thing to a relationship was…" Vanya trailed off, looking at Allison, who rolled her eyes. 

"And Diego's wonderful lady cop friend. Plus Little Miss Number Four of this world." Klaus winced apologetically at the glare Number Two sent him, but continued on. "Allison got married twice and lost both." He stopped at the look Allison gave him.

"You've never been in a serious relationship." Allison continued, a glare still targeting Klaus. "Five has the mannequin — _Dolores_ ," she corrected. "Ben died too young. Vanya had a boyfriend who manipulated her to basically start the apocalypse and a girl back in the 60s that she had to leave behind."

"Yeah," Vanya said resignedly. "It's rough."

"That's what you think." A low tone of amusement in Klaus' voice as he stared back at Allison.

"What do you mean?" Luther asked.

"I've been in a serious relationship."

"Staying with someone for three months so you have a place to stay doesn't count, Klaus." Five stated.

"Oh, and a mannequin does?" Klaus countered but waved off more protests. "But that's not what I'm talking about anyway. I never told you all about Dave."

"Who's Dave?"

Klaus narrowed his eyes at Diego. "I just said I never told you about him."

Allison placed a hand on Diego's shoulder, calming him down before he starts shouting, and smiled at Klaus. "Would you tell us now?"

Klaus looked at his siblings before sitting up with his legs crossed. "Gather around, poor unfortunate souls. It's time for a little storytelling for this session of Hargreeves Children Support Group. Strap yourselves in for the biggest tragedy of a love story you'll ever hear."

The others sent discreetly exchanged worried looks at the poorly hidden sorrowful tone in Klaus' voice, but they moved closer without a word. Once they were all settled in, Klaus (secretly checked to see if Diego was feeling better and) grinned once more before diving in into the story.

"I'd title it ' _Fuck Wars_ ' or something else when I think of a better one. But it is starring yours truly, and the most wonderful man with the most beautiful baby blue eyes…"

**Author's Note:**

> ✓ I wanted to make Lila similar to the character she was playing when around Diego for the first part of S2, I hope I did that well?  
> ✓ It somehow turned to Klaus being the main again, which I had no control over, so I had to cut it off (but I believe there would have been a bit of crying and a bunch of hugs)  
> ✓ Luther????? Where did he go in this fic??? I could barely make him talk, I had to take lines away from the others so he had something to say. ☹️  
> ✓ Also! In case you're doubting, it's really not the Lila they knew. I explained this in the first shot in this series that i think there's a possibility Lila would have time travelled back to somehow manipulate things so that she ends up with the Hargreeves (aka with a family) as she grows up.


End file.
